What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
 45 lbs.


 What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
 45 minutes



 One sperm says to the other, "How far is it to the ovaries?"
 The other one says, "Relax.  We just passed the tonsils."


 What is the definition of "making love"?
 Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.


 A midget sidles up to a tall blonde and says, "Hey, what do you say to
 a little fuck?"
 She says, "Hello, you little fuck."


 How are women and rocks alike?     
 You skip the flat ones.


 How can you tell if your wife is dead?
 The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

 How can you tell if your husband is dead?
 The sex is the same but you get the remote.


 What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?
 It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.


 How do we know God is a man?
 Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.


 What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers?
 Well-hung.



 Charlie marries a virgin, and it's their wedding night.  He's on fire.
 He gets naked, jumps into bed, and then starts groping her as soon as
 she climbs in.
 She says, "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at
 the dinner table."
 He sits up, folds his hands on his lap, and says, "Is that better?"
 She says, "Much better."
 He says, "Okay.  Now will you please pass the pussy."


 Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair?
 Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with
 mud.


 What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
 Einstein's cock.


 What does a Polish woman do after she sucks a cock?
 Spits out the feathers.



	

	                    
	


 
John Jetmore / jj33@pobox.com