"I'm very honest. If I don't like a co-worker or superior, I tell them so... RIGHT TO THEIR FACE."
"I can fart on command!"
"I can work for eight hours straight without eating or using the bathroom or resting."
"Well, I'm not you."
"Well, I don't really have a best quality..."
"My huge penis."
"I'm an expert liar."
"I can make counterfeit money using standard office equipment!"
"I can see into the future."
"I'm very charismatic. I attract followers and sycophants, like Jesus. Only I'm not a loser like Jesus was. I know my shit!"
"What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?"
"I sometimes shit my pants uncontrollably."
"I have a small penis."
"Well, I have a very short fuse, and, if a co-worker or superior is causing me aggravation, I have a tendency to... unload on them."
"Oh... geez... where to start? Um... I mean, there's so many..."
"I have no weakest quality. I am perfect."
"I don't like working with faggots! [Proceed to elaborate.]" (Substitute your own potent subgroup here.)
"I steal office equipment."
"I tend to fall asleep at my desk."
"Wherever I work, I see horses. They follow me wherever I go."
"The smell of paper makes me violently ill."
"I like to fuck walruses."
"Same place I always see myself: in the mirror."
"Right where you are."
"Fucking your wife in Macy's window."
"Lying facedown in a puddle of my own urine."
"Holding the first lady hostage."
"In the grave." "I try not to think any further than 48 hours into the future. I mean, what's the point, right? We could all be dead tomorrow, right?"
"I think the question is, 'Where do I see YOU in five years', eh?"
"None of your fucking business."
"What kind of a stupid question is THAT?"
"No comment."
(Belch or fart.)
"No, no, next question. Please. Don't waste my time and I won't waste yours."