This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca  and Gary  English 44A SMU
Creative Writing
Prof. Miller


           In-class Assignment for Wednesday

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short  story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then
add a third paragraph, and so on back  and forth. Remember to reread what
has been written each time in order to keep  the story coherent. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been  reached.


 -------------------------------------------------

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded  her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked camomile.  But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His  possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of
the question.


Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now  in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the  neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent  one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into  his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of  nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the  direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one  last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had  feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities  towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently  Abolishing War and Space Travel."
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited
her and bored her. She stared out the window,  dreaming of her youth --
when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to
read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent  wonder at
all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence
to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.


Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of  miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its  lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the  Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left
Earth a  defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy  the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the  entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their  diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.  The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean  floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which  vaporized
Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist  on
the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
treaty!  Let's blow'em out of the sky!"


This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.


Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.


Asshole.


Bitch.