1 You lose arguments with inanimate objects - THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL!!
2 You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
3 Job interferring with your drinking.
4 Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream
- one beer in hand is one less than two in the bush
5 Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
6 The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7 Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
9 Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
10 "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
11 When you can focus better with one eye closed
12 the parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
13 Every woman you see has an exact twin.
14 You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
- It's enough to drive you to drink
15 If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?"
but you don't really have a wife. She's really your couch.
Plus you have nothing but beer
16 You fall off the floor...
17 Dicover in morning liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously
disappeared
18 Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
19 Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
20 Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
21 Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore. - There's a sandwich
in every beer
22 The glass keeps missing your mouth!
23 Bill Clinton starts to make sense
24 When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof??
25 Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
26 only drinking problem's not having a drink right now
27 At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
28 Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer
29 When vomiting becomes a relief
30 Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right stumble fall
31 You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom,
you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
32 The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
33 You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol,
and [Women]. - A redneck concerned about his diet
34 Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more
attractive. - K.B.
35 Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
36 waking up with a traffic cone between your legs -
37 I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFER!!!!!!!!!
38 Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....No Problem
39 If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for
alcohol calories - realist
40 Even Johnny stops doing jokes about your drinking.
41 The bourbon bottle's empty...that's the problem! - Hey...let's go
get some more!
42 Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
43 When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own barstool -
:)
44 Roseanne looks good.
45 Don't recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass
46 You LIKE to watch Barney because you're so drunk already!
47 That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
48 You find yourself actually enjoying the food at that all night
greasy spoon!!!!
49 The Whisky Ainpit Working Anymoer
50 Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you
51 you have a Reserved Parking space at the ABC store
52 I'm as jober as a sudge - a judge
53 You consider yourself a workaholic, becuase every time you go to work,
you want to have a beer!
54 I slept with that damned pink elephant again.
55 Duff is your favorite beer
56 so many straws, so few brain cells, and last call's at 1:00 am
57 You find yourself in a roomette on a train arriving in Vancouver...and
the last thing you remember is being in a bar in Halifax!
58 When you perform sexual favors on more than one person in a night.
59 You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the
Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki
60 red dog upside down looks like batman eating a catwoman
61 You've fallen and you can't get up
62 You don't drink. (That's a problem!)
63 when hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle - please pass
he ice pack....
64 BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
65 Boris Yeltsin tries to get you to join AA!
66 The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
67 salivate when you meet a guy named 'AL'
68 You wake up too late and too groggy to come up with anything funny.
69 Keep cat in freezer to be 'large ice cube' for BIG drinks
70 You keep making lists of things. - And voting on them.
71 Double vision so much the norm, can't function w/o it.
72 when your listening to the radio and actually think the spin doctors,
hootie and the blowfish, smashing pumpkins, and blind melon sound good
73 Because you're not as drunk as I think I am...
74 you join DARE to rid the world of the *other* drugs
75 Your favorite drink is Everclear and ethanol
76 You spill water on yourself and you don't have a dribble glass?
77 You can't remember what your family looks like...
78 arga dafl bange
79 Your list entry signature denotes Satanic practices.
80 You get defensive when someone asks if you have drinking problem
81 Your nick-name is Barny. - Or Homer...
82 your name is Ted Kennedy.
83 Haven't stopped drinking since carter got elected.
84 You wake up surrounded by 50 cases of SPAM.
85 RSI in elbow from drinking
86 Why does everybody think I have a drinking problem?! -
I don't have a drinking problem!
87 salt, sugar, grease, carbohydrates, .. - and yes, alcohol is the fifth
food group
88 If you wake up and you need a drink, you just might have a problem
89 Your only friends are Jack, Johnnie, and Jose.
90 You don't have time to come up with amusing List topics.
91 You realize you have shaved your head except for a little rat tail
hanging from the top and you're pestering people to buy incense &
crap
92 You got married!
93 Your name is Ed McMahon
94 You say to the barman "take me pished, I'mm home again."
95 Foster Brooks appears sober to you!
96 Frequent trips to water the shrubbery, if you're camping.
97 I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. Pash me another drink,
bartender - whatshishfashe
98 you feel drunk - in school-free alcohol zone.
99 No ocifer, there ain't no blood in my alcohol!!
100 Take me drunk, I'm home!!